How I decided to wait for Tony Stark

Do you remember that feeling from when you were little, maybe around 8-12 years old, and you thought the world is your personal oyster and that anything is possible? When you kept on searching for dreams, because not even one of them was daring enough for you? And then you grew up and everybody kept telling you to be real and that you cannot do whatever you want to do, so they smashed your dreams and made you a sarcastic and ironic bitch? You know what you have to tell them now?

Fuck off, men!

I’m the type of person that gets enlightened by movies and music (she says playing again Matrix’s Navras) and I inspire myself to believe that I can do more. I have to in a way because otherwise I would not be able to survive and keep writing awesome blog posts for you to read. In another way, I love that feeling that something out there is waiting for me and for my dream to come true. But enough poetry for today, let’s get back to business! Continue reading

5 ways to piss off your mother

I had a simple childhood. My parents didn’t have a s**tload of money, therefore my toys were always far better then those of other kids. Why is that, you ask? Because they were mind games. I played mind games with my parents, grandparents, uncles and cousins. But what was my favorite game? To piss off my mother. Maybe it was the punishment, maybe my mother’s expression when she realised she is scared of me, or my father telling me “good boy” even though I’m a girl, the truth is I don’t know what it was, but it felt so good!

I will now let you 5 sadistic tricks that you can play on your mother, in order to make her think that giving you to adoption wouldn’t be that bad. Good luck! Continue reading

No thank you, Bill Gates!

I guess everyone heard/read this story, because it’s all over the World Wide Web. I remember it made me mad when I first read it. If I were in that waiter’s place, I would have said: Well thank you for the wonderful story, now give me my tip! My parents are poor, I need to pay for college and I’m busting my ass bottom off in order to give you the best service ever! And YOU are a billionaire!  But I wasn’t in the waiter’s place. But if I were… I would have gotten cold feet, thanked him for this beautiful life story and the $2 tip, and I would have wished him a good day. But I would have done it in a sarcastic way. Probably.

Loving grandpa, in search for kids

As I was reading this magazine which covers job offers, sales (cars, apartments and other stuff) and things to rent, I came across this: grandpa with a lot of love for nephews, I wish to take care of children. Now… maybe he really is a loving grandpa who gives candy bars to children, takes them to Zoo and reads them bedtime stories… but come on! Who, in their right mind, would let his/her kids with a man who has this message? I wouldn’t. Would you?

While I was out

I like to think of myself as a pleasant young lady, polite, always smiling and eager to help those who ask for help. I smile when I walk down the street and I help old people carry their bags. I even tell people when they lose money while walking. But I think the Universe doesn’t like me. It’s like my whole life is an irony. One day, while drinking its coffee, the Universe thought, while chatting with its multiverse friends,  hmmm, I should make an ironic person with an ironic life. And then I was born. With a high level of irony and sarcasm.

But please let me tell you my story… Continue reading

How to impress people who will not be impressed

Do you know that crush of yours, who doesn’t even know your name, or even worse, that you’re alive? Or that teacher who calls you „the one with the weird hair”? Or your boss who doesn’t know your name, or that you’re working for him, and keeps telling you to „move the damn chair”? Well, all of the above are people who will not be impressed, but whom you should impress! Make them know your name, make them believe you are the most awesome human being that ever walked on this earth. Make them put your face on that name they don’t know yet!

Because I’m a good girl, I will now walk with you the 5 steps to impress the bastards that refuse to do so. Keep close and pay attention, ’cause it might be a bumpy ride. Continue reading

Be wise, or so they say…

If you want to be a successful ironic or sarcastic person, you need to read! Read pamphlets, how to’s,  food recipes, facebook comments or online jokes. I also like to read books, and because there are people way older than me (most of them quite dead already) and with a lot more experience, I managed to gather a few wise words. These might as well be the beginning of a beautiful ironic/sarcastic Bible.

1. „-What is your line of work?

-I’m a lawyer.

-I should have known. Everybody is a lawyer these days.”

Michael Crichton in State of fear

2. „World chaos exists because we neglect our feet.”

Laurent Seksik in La Consultation Continue reading