Grandpa don’t preach

I admit it. I smoke. Cigarettes, that is. I’m not proud, I’m not bragging with it and I don’t advise anyone to do it. What I don’t do though is wander around the city and pick on people who smoke.

OK, let me start with the beginning. No, before I start I want you to know that I have A LOT of respect for the elderly. I loved my grandparents and I love seeing wise old people sharing their experience. But I don’t like those who…well, let me start my story…

There I was, sitting peacefully with a friend on a bench in the park. You know, girl-talk and s**t. And yes, we were having some smokes. On the next bench, an elderly person was preaching to bum about beliving in God, about quitting alcohol, about…well, let’s just say he was preaching.

Out of the blue, God knows when, the old man appeared in front of us. After a long glare and a moment of awkward silence (the-we -were-watching-him-he-was-watching us-kind-of-game), he raised his finger and spoke to my friend:

”What is a wonderful lady like you doing here, smoking?”

”…”

”Let me tell you something about smoking, young lady!”

”…”

”Smoking can tear down even the strongest of MEN, not to mention WOMEN! It is written in the Bible: a woman’s is a weaker ship than a man and a woman shouldn’t smoke.”

”Well, each one of us chooses his/her own …”

”Look, I was talking to the man over there. Look at him where smoking and drinking got him. He used to be a good worker and a…”

”…Well, Sir, with all the respect, that is his own business”

”NO NO NO IT IS OUR BUSINESS, WE MUST TAKE CARE OF HIM, IT IS A DUTY TO US ALL”

”…”

” I have 10 sons and nephews and NONE OF THEM SMOKES. DO YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THIS? I TAUGHT THEM TO KISS ME ON THE CHEEK EACH TIME WE MEET. ON THE CHEEK, LADY NOT ON THE MOUTH, ON THE FOREHEAD, IN THE…EXCUSE MY EXPRESSION ASS. ON THE CHEEK. Some of my sons and nephews have graduated in Paris, Warsaw…NONE OF THEM SMOKES.”

”Um…”

So while he kept on with his speech, the bum approached him and they started yelling at each other. You know the usual ”I drink what’s your problem”, ”You all believers  won’t give me a nickle, all you do is talk” kind of stuff. They both moved farther, to the next bench. The bum walked on and the old man started to preach to a teenager smoking on that bench. 20 minutes later he was still there, still preaching. One by one, all the people around him subtly disappeared. But he went on. And on. And on. And after he was gone, I lit another cigarette. Because it was a good show, watching him admonishing my friend and not me.

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4 thoughts on “Grandpa don’t preach

  1. Being british, I have a deep sense of patience and quiet reservation when dealing with people like your preacher. From experience, I know I listen, politely disagree and then kindly tell such people to “f**k off and mind their own damned business”.

  2. Pingback: How to Pick Up Chicks aka How to Be a Good Christian | On Us And Other Demons

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